Between Awake and Asleep

2007-12-10T05:27:00.001-08:00

He looks just like Sam and it startles me.

2007-12-03T08:06:00.000-08:00

We're getting a hotel room with quite an assorted group of people and I tell him he can't smoke.

She's there. She is so there. I can't stop looking at her and I can't stop touching her because I'm so afraid for the moment she'll be gone again. She says, "I can't wait to see you again."

I'm crying so hard and I'm still not sure if it's in my dreams or real life.

It's so unfair that all we have now are dreams.

2007-11-29T05:22:00.001-08:00

"We dreamed of nothing and got nothing in return.

Then I woke up one cold morning
Felt an absence at my back

Then I searched and stared
but only the river stared back."

2007-11-28T05:28:00.000-08:00

She's willing to wait although I may take a while.
We've been here before.

2007-10-03T05:44:00.001-07:00

I'm going through the obstacle course like my life depends on it.
She is sick and I keep trying to bring her places but she keeps not coming.

2007-09-20T12:22:00.000-07:00

The river's not clean anymore. I can see it again and again in my head. She's learned how to control things by thinking about them. She helps me fly.

2007-09-12T12:28:00.001-07:00

She’s telling us Don Clark is being his typical self and we’re shaking our heads in disgust. Nothing is different.

2007-09-11T07:59:00.001-07:00

"I think you like me."

Holding my breath.

2007-09-09T08:17:00.000-07:00

I can't win because all my rivals and enimies have united and I don't know what I want.

2007-08-12T09:27:00.000-07:00

I look everywhere for her but she is elusive. I'm not sure if I can catch up. She wants to see everyone else but looks at me with disdain and I cannot do the right thing. She asks for a cigarette and I hesitate but refuse her because I know she doesn't mean it.

In my dreams, we fight so much that I wake up and I'm never sure if we'll be okay.

2007-08-07T10:15:00.000-07:00

I'm walking back through tunnels underground beneath the highway and I see a lot of people from my high school class and they are all somber and some are hurt. They were at a party when the cops came and they all ran away like they w ere running from the Nazi regime. When I reach the end, teachers look at me, disappointed, even though I wasn't there. When I am back home, a big yellow bouncy ball arrives at my house carrying him and she brags about the way she kissed him.

2007-08-02T10:25:00.000-07:00

The line is going nowhere and I can't seem to get clean so I go the opposite direction, alone?

I wake up lying close to you and you tell me I've been moaning in my sleep. But I don't know if that's real, either.

2007-08-01T11:02:00.000-07:00

You're leaving even earlier than expected and I rush to see you off but I cannot stay on the road and they take you away without a chance to say goodbye.

2007-07-31T11:59:00.001-07:00

I can't see you but you're telling me you don't have enough space to yourself and it's all too familiar and all too real.

2007-07-13T11:28:00.001-07:00

She's back but only in the same way that she was here when she was gone. I feel awful.

2007-07-05T10:29:00.001-07:00

I am waiting alongside her family at the Max stop to scatter her remains at Blue Lake. But she is there, tired and frail, asking me what I am up to today.

2007-06-30T10:54:00.000-07:00

Strangers keep asking about her, remembering things that aren't true. I'm coming after them in a rage but my fists aren't strong enough and I'm lost.

2007-05-16T06:38:00.000-07:00

We're feeling her unmistakably.

"It's like a cross between Led & Zeppelin."

2007-05-13T09:37:00.001-07:00

Somehow, I lose her car, and I'm looking all over the city, but I cannot find it anywhere. It's maddening.

2007-05-11T07:00:00.001-07:00

"We'll name a bar Kell's and a bookstore Powell's."

2007-05-04T06:37:00.000-07:00

He still has hope and I'm trying my best to hide but it's futile.

2007-05-02T07:01:00.000-07:00

When I tilted my head downward this morning, my dreams came spilling out.

I'm wandering through the mall, and Los Angeles is so unfriendly. I need to find what I'm looking for but I'm feeling more and more desperate.

2007-05-01T06:50:00.000-07:00

I am up all night trying to find you and the clock says four a.m. while my grandpa does yoga in the kitchen and I go to sleep in the wrong house and then I banged my head against the wall.

Anna Begins.

2007-04-29T10:32:00.000-07:00

He's gay but I still want to kiss him. The water is rising again and it's getting harder to explain myself.

2007-04-16T07:00:00.001-07:00

We're busted and I'm swinging through the hallways of my old school to try to escape.

This stolen chicken salad is the best thing I've ever tasted.

2007-04-08T11:00:00.000-07:00

He is dead and gone and the world is flooded. Giant squids flood the water with ink and I cannot find a way out. You are there.

2006-10-10T08:38:00.000-07:00

It'd been so long since I'd seen you, even in my dreams. Somehow I feel exactly how small your body feels when I'm hugging you for the first time in a while.

2006-10-05T21:01:00.000-07:00

You can't help your dreams from being trivial.

2006-09-28T07:19:00.000-07:00

One of my favorites ...

I am riding on the back of an accomodating whale; I can feel its smooth slick skin and how the rushing air from its blowhole is so cold, swirling around the hot water, and it's awesome.

2006-09-26T08:51:00.000-07:00

A slug dies and it is lastingly devestating because it means so much more.

2006-09-25T07:15:00.000-07:00

From where I'm sleeping I hear angry thumps and yelling. He takes a walk and jumps off the edge and it's all we can do to hold onto her.

We see our escape vehicle and we're plotting how to get out the fastest and it's like a race to the alarm clock. And damn, I'm tired.

2006-09-14T16:44:00.000-07:00

I come home to my little sister; playing with a ouija board has gotten out of hand.

It's amazing to me how dreams affect you. I didn't remember this dream until someone at school referenced playing with a ouija board but at that moment it all came back to me and connected with the foreboding negative feelings I'd been having. "In dreams, your emotions are so overwhemling." I am so excited for "The Science of Sleep".

2006-09-13T07:08:00.000-07:00

I'm not throwing a party but everyone I don't care for shows up and of course I get in trouble.

I'm at college living in a room with lots of girls and the staircases are so large I have to climb the side of the banister and I'm dangerously close to falling.

Promiscuous as She Goes.

2006-09-12T08:42:00.000-07:00

His shoes I want to steal are perfect but they don't fit. We are sleeping below the stars on the roof but we are concerned for our well being.

Crooked.

2006-09-10T15:26:00.000-07:00

Two nights ago ...

I am in an elevator-like tunnel and I'm hearing the voices of all the old people and wanting to get to them.

2006-09-08T06:58:00.000-07:00

She can get me Wicked tickets. I'm trying to get home from downtown but it's pitch black and I'm having the worst time figuring things out. People are having a party outside my house and my dad is skeptical. She zips herself up in a mini blood drop costume like a cocoon and goes to sleep. So much is going on that when I woke up I didn't know where I was, which is rare.

"Oh, and marvelous things, oh, they are, they are giving me the creeps..."

2006-09-06T06:54:00.000-07:00

I was yanked out of my dreams like a puppy on its impatient leash ... and for the first time this year it was dark outside.

2006-09-05T08:55:00.000-07:00

A friend is in a binding agreement to sell things and I am empathetic but unable to help.

2006-09-04T10:49:00.000-07:00

She's making conversation in the woods to surprise him for his birthday while we're inside doing laundry and I'm being entirely inappropriate.

2006-08-31T18:10:00.000-07:00

School's in and the shrill, shocking "beep-beep" of the early morning alarm clock makes me forget my dreams. I hate it.

2006-08-29T17:19:00.000-07:00

I couldn't sleep because damn chants kept ringing through my head.

2006-08-27T10:42:00.000-07:00

"I'm just one person and I've come here on my own" is on a bumper sticker and I'm questioning whether I subconsciously stole my song.

2006-08-26T10:14:00.000-07:00

She reserves a stage and he takes me there and shows me around and it's a surprise for me but I don't really get it.

2006-08-25T11:04:00.000-07:00

We're learning a stupid dance in cheer to say goodbye. She says who you spend your last time with matters. You agree.

"Some kids never learn their lesson."
"Well, that's a cat."

I just want something from Voodoo Doughnuts but bad things keep happening and no one's really nice except for the stoned owner.

I wanted to have good dreams because it was your last night.

2006-08-24T12:10:00.000-07:00

We have to get out.

2006-08-23T12:54:00.000-07:00

Driving to San Diego and going to Tijuana sounds like the best idea in the world.

A cheerleader bursts through a glass greenhouse roof.

2006-08-22T11:19:00.000-07:00

I can't attend a party because it's his last night before going to school but she and I are inside the movie The Science of Sleep which invovles stern but allegedly loving robots (who look like real people) who herd children every which way and mess with their dreams. Finding out I am dreaming alarms me, even in my dreams.

Nelly Furtado is somewhere.

2006-08-20T11:39:00.000-07:00

I'm not letting it happen but I still want to spoon.

Unrelatedly, in an effort to promote awareness and prevent STD's, radical activists are dressing as bloody condoms and preaching on streetcorners.

2006-08-17T09:54:00.000-07:00

Harry Potter is real and we are giants walking along the beach, our huge feet sinking into the very wet sand with every lumbering step.

I bumped you in the night and half woke you up but you were happy to see me.

"How can Heaven not exist when you just lie sleeping in one place and your mind takes you so far from where you actually are?"

2006-08-16T09:07:00.000-07:00

I'm at Zoe Trope's book reading at Powell's and Please Don't Kill the Freshman has a new cover. Before I get a chance to meet her, I have to go to work. My work consists of trapping someone in a cage and eventually understanding that I can let her live. I can't believe the possibility didn't occur to me earlier. Eventually I make it back to Powell's but Zoe's gone. There's a lady in line who will die in a few hours.

2006-08-15T08:51:00.000-07:00

You're living in a new house and he's here; maybe you're living together, and I am out of place.

2006-08-14T20:21:00.000-07:00

People are slowdancing and you're looking for me.

2006-08-13T10:16:00.000-07:00

Boys and girls ready to go to Lee Falls are all over my yard and none of them will be quiet when I ask and I become even more angry when I see that their cars are all parked in the middle of Dosch Road and I wake up with the worst spikey feeling in my throat.

2006-08-12T10:48:00.000-07:00

It's summertime barbeque season and I'm somehow gliding through neighborhoods looking for a lawn chair to steal so you won't have to stand for so long.