He looks just like Sam and it startles me.
Between Awake and Asleep
in my dreams...
Monday, December 10, 2007
Monday, December 03, 2007
We're getting a hotel room with quite an assorted group of people and I tell him he can't smoke.
She's there. She is so there. I can't stop looking at her and I can't stop touching her because I'm so afraid for the moment she'll be gone again. She says, "I can't wait to see you again."
I'm crying so hard and I'm still not sure if it's in my dreams or real life.
It's so unfair that all we have now are dreams.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
"We dreamed of nothing and got nothing in return.
Then I woke up one cold morning
Felt an absence at my back
Then I searched and stared
but only the river stared back."
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
I'm going through the obstacle course like my life depends on it.
She is sick and I keep trying to bring her places but she keeps not coming.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
The river's not clean anymore. I can see it again and again in my head. She's learned how to control things by thinking about them. She helps me fly.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
She’s telling us Don Clark is being his typical self and we’re shaking our heads in disgust. Nothing is different.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
I look everywhere for her but she is elusive. I'm not sure if I can catch up. She wants to see everyone else but looks at me with disdain and I cannot do the right thing. She asks for a cigarette and I hesitate but refuse her because I know she doesn't mean it.
In my dreams, we fight so much that I wake up and I'm never sure if we'll be okay.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
I'm walking back through tunnels underground beneath the highway and I see a lot of people from my high school class and they are all somber and some are hurt. They were at a party when the cops came and they all ran away like they w ere running from the Nazi regime. When I reach the end, teachers look at me, disappointed, even though I wasn't there. When I am back home, a big yellow bouncy ball arrives at my house carrying him and she brags about the way she kissed him.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
The line is going nowhere and I can't seem to get clean so I go the opposite direction, alone?
I wake up lying close to you and you tell me I've been moaning in my sleep. But I don't know if that's real, either.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
You're leaving even earlier than expected and I rush to see you off but I cannot stay on the road and they take you away without a chance to say goodbye.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
I can't see you but you're telling me you don't have enough space to yourself and it's all too familiar and all too real.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Thursday, July 05, 2007
I am waiting alongside her family at the Max stop to scatter her remains at Blue Lake. But she is there, tired and frail, asking me what I am up to today.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Strangers keep asking about her, remembering things that aren't true. I'm coming after them in a rage but my fists aren't strong enough and I'm lost.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Somehow, I lose her car, and I'm looking all over the city, but I cannot find it anywhere. It's maddening.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Friday, May 04, 2007
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
When I tilted my head downward this morning, my dreams came spilling out.
I'm wandering through the mall, and Los Angeles is so unfriendly. I need to find what I'm looking for but I'm feeling more and more desperate.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
I am up all night trying to find you and the clock says four a.m. while my grandpa does yoga in the kitchen and I go to sleep in the wrong house and then I banged my head against the wall.
Anna Begins.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
He's gay but I still want to kiss him. The water is rising again and it's getting harder to explain myself.
Monday, April 16, 2007
We're busted and I'm swinging through the hallways of my old school to try to escape.
This stolen chicken salad is the best thing I've ever tasted.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
He is dead and gone and the world is flooded. Giant squids flood the water with ink and I cannot find a way out. You are there.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
It'd been so long since I'd seen you, even in my dreams. Somehow I feel exactly how small your body feels when I'm hugging you for the first time in a while.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Thursday, September 28, 2006
One of my favorites ...
I am riding on the back of an accomodating whale; I can feel its smooth slick skin and how the rushing air from its blowhole is so cold, swirling around the hot water, and it's awesome.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
From where I'm sleeping I hear angry thumps and yelling. He takes a walk and jumps off the edge and it's all we can do to hold onto her.
We see our escape vehicle and we're plotting how to get out the fastest and it's like a race to the alarm clock. And damn, I'm tired.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
I come home to my little sister; playing with a ouija board has gotten out of hand.
It's amazing to me how dreams affect you. I didn't remember this dream until someone at school referenced playing with a ouija board but at that moment it all came back to me and connected with the foreboding negative feelings I'd been having. "In dreams, your emotions are so overwhemling." I am so excited for "The Science of Sleep".
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
I'm not throwing a party but everyone I don't care for shows up and of course I get in trouble.
I'm at college living in a room with lots of girls and the staircases are so large I have to climb the side of the banister and I'm dangerously close to falling.
Promiscuous as She Goes.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
His shoes I want to steal are perfect but they don't fit. We are sleeping below the stars on the roof but we are concerned for our well being.
Crooked.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Two nights ago ...
I am in an elevator-like tunnel and I'm hearing the voices of all the old people and wanting to get to them.
Friday, September 08, 2006
She can get me Wicked tickets. I'm trying to get home from downtown but it's pitch black and I'm having the worst time figuring things out. People are having a party outside my house and my dad is skeptical. She zips herself up in a mini blood drop costume like a cocoon and goes to sleep. So much is going on that when I woke up I didn't know where I was, which is rare.
"Oh, and marvelous things, oh, they are, they are giving me the creeps..."
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
I was yanked out of my dreams like a puppy on its impatient leash ... and for the first time this year it was dark outside.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Monday, September 04, 2006
She's making conversation in the woods to surprise him for his birthday while we're inside doing laundry and I'm being entirely inappropriate.

